The Greatest Album Of All Time

by Funboy Five

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dougkermit If there was any justice at all in this world, the BBC would revive The Old Grey Whistle Test right now and get whispering Bob Harris to play this album in it's entirety on primetime TV on a repeating loop.,
It is that good.
I may be a wee bit biased here but this is well worth your pennies.
Kermit of Hemel. ;0)
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The first entirely intentional album* from the Funboy Five, The Greatest Album Of All Time comprises songs written and recorded mostly between 2016 and 2018. Most of the ten have been re-mixed and re-mastered to varying degrees for this collection, a few have not (we’ll leave it to listeners with accurate hearing to guess which) while ‘No Time To Save The World’ is a complete re-working of the 2014 single ‘Save The World’.

*For an unintentional album, see 2015’s vinyl remembrance of songs past, ‘Landmarks, Ruins and Memories’, released in solid vinyl by Ave Phoenix.


released January 5, 2019

On this album, the Funboy Five are augmented by the vocals of Dawn From Next Door ('Kermitose') and Hannah Saunders ('Radio Free Asia', 'Life In The Land Of The Living', 'Vipers Of The Commonwealth').


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Funboy Five Twickenham, UK

Formed in January 1979, the Funboy Five recorded a radio session for the influential John Peel Show, and a single, Life After Death/Compulsive Eater, released in January 1980 on their own Cool-Cat-Daddy-O label.

In 2014, the band revived with a new vinyl single, Save The World/What Did You Do With The Body?, followed by further singles and 2019's 'The Greatest Album Of All Time'.
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Track Name: Kermitose
There he goes, Kermitose
Where he goes, no-one knows
Track Name: I'm The Talk
I’m the talk,
I’m the talk of the town
I’m the dish
I’m the dish of the day
I’m as drunk
I’m as drunk as a lord
I’m as high
I’m as high as a kite

The bird in the hand lets the cat out the bag
It weighs a tonne and sticks out a mile

I've an axe
I've an axe to grind
I've a bone
I've a bone to pick
I've an itch
I've an itch to scratch
don’t count chickens
before they hatch

You’re a flash
a flash in the pan
you’re a red flag
a red flag to a bull
you’re as hard
you’re as hard as nails
you’ve gone off
gone off the rails

When it comes
when it comes to the crunch
you’ll be out
you’ll be out to lunch
I won’t beat
won’t beat about the bush
that’s your lot
‘cos you’ve lost the plot
Track Name: No Time To Save The World
I can feel time just slipping away
Same four walls, day after day
Government worker, Department of Thing
Across the desks, the telephones ring...

No time to save the world

Christie and Meltzer were right what they said
The Floodgates are open so get out of bed
Many are chosen, many are called
To bring the clash between the rulers and ruled

Fire in the sky, slowing of the clock
Get a funny feeling that it's all gonna stop
It's all got surreal, it's the strangest day
Bang on the head and it's all been a dream, eh?

I can see the future and it's coming this way
No more walls day after day
Government worker, Department of Thing
Across the desks, the telephones ring...
Track Name: Life In The Land Of The Living
Devious Donna
as matter of honour
Went to San Diego
To see the eclipse
Two weeks later
She’d gone insane
With a bowl of tequila
and a jar of cocaine

That’s life in the land of the living

Luscious Liza
was an actor
São Paulo
Boca do Lixo
things went wrong
in front of the camera
and she became the face
of Crâcolandia

That’s life in the land of the living

Honolulu Lulu
went cuckoo
crossing the Andes
On the back of a horse
she soon knew
it’s a stupid thing to do
she’d rather be in a Wakiki tiki

That’s life in the land of the living
Track Name: Red Herring
The day’s too long, the night’s too short
as things contort and then distort
it’s in your sight but the light’s too bright
as time goes by in the wink of an eye

It’s in the way but it’s here to stay
won’t go away no matter what you say
you feel the rage coming off the page
can’t do a thing in a troubled age

Red herring

You want to shout like a roustabout
but what comes out is the sound of doubt
hither and tither, slither and dither
fine ideas on the vine they wither

Red herring
Track Name: Radio Free Asia
From Hanoi to Lhasa
From Hanoi to Lhasa
Radio Free Asia
Radio Free Asia

From Xinjiang to Kaesong
From Xinjiang to Kaesong
Radio Free Asia
Radio Free Asia

In Cantonese and Lao and Khmer
In Cantonese and Lao and Khmer
Radio Free Asia
Radio Free Asia

Voice of the free to a non-believer
Voice of the free to a non-believer
Radio Free Asia
Radio Free Asia

Raise the heat, raise the pressure
Raise the heat, raise the pressure
Radio Free Asia
Radio Free Asia
Track Name: The Celebrity As Commodity
It used to be so easy
writing lyrics every day
but now it’s getting harder
to say what I want to say
I used to be a singer
now I’m a celebrity
I used to be a person
now I’m a commodity

Now let’s have word
from the sponsor of this song
Who really thinks the chorus
doesn’t quite belong

I used to be tomorrow
now I barely make today
just like any falling star
I belong to yesterday
you used to be that groover
is all I hear them wail
final curtain come down
oldies are on sale
Track Name: The Return Of English Magic
Loose your heart to an arcane art
tear the day apart
forgotten words, forgotten thought
forget what you’ve been taught

If time could lie then I could die
and come back the next day
it’s not a trick when you think of it
(the) return of english magic

The cynics and the hucksters
say the glory days are gone
but their words are an illusion
the magic carries on

Hear a cry from the speaking sky
ravens flying by
wind set free, a twisted plea
moonshine lights a tree

A frozen glance, a final chance
words you can’t pronounce
scenes inside the mirror stick
(the) return of english magic

an arcane art will take your heart
tear your life apart
it’s not a trick but a conduit
(the) return of english magic
Track Name: Vipers Of The Commonwealth
Can you hear them wail?
too big too fail
What does risk entail?
When you're heads and you're tails

Vipers of the commonwealth!
Vipers of the commonwealth!
Vipers of the commonwealth!
They’re vipers of the commonwealth

Are you playing a game
in a mad arcade?
Why are you afraid
of Mutual Aid?

Do you know your place
In the global race?
Are you in the grip
of a vile embrace?

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